Struggles: Not When, But If

So, I haven't updated this blog in a while. In fact, it has been over three months. I am going to try to get back into the swing of things. I think part of the reason I haven't been updating is that I've felt like we haven't had much to share. Probably the biggest news of the past three months was that the students in my school, with the support of parents, teachers, and community members, logged 1,247,277 minutes of reading in 193 days and, as a result, I am now bald. I'll start growing my hair back after school ends in about five weeks.

Today, though, I wanted to share the text of a talk I gave in Sacrament meeting today. I was asked to speak about strengthening the family through the Gospel of Jesus Christ and was encouraged to use recent General Conference addresses as my framework. Below is the text of the talk I wrote, which is pretty close to what I actually shared. I had several people tell me afterwards that they really appreciated my message and requested copies so they could read more.

           

The topic for Sacrament meeting this morning, I hope you've noticed, has been on the Gospel and the family. I also hope that I will be able to teach a few correct principles of the Gospel that I have learned. There were many talks given in General Conference a couple of weeks ago that spoke of the family and the role of the Gospel in strengthening and supporting the family. As I read over the talks and watched the videos of the messages, I found myself drawn to two in particular that seemed to focus on helping families that struggle.

Now let's be honest here: every single family in the entire world struggles. There is no “perfect” family. We are imperfect beings living together and hopefully trying our best, but we aren't perfect. Nine years ago, President Henry B. Eyring, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, once shared some advice he had been given by a district president with whom he served: “When you meet someone, treat them as if they were in serious trouble, and you will be right more than half the time.” As the song goes, we all have pain; we all have sorrow. There is absolutely nothing wrong about struggling. In fact, if you aren't struggling, you are probably doing something wrong. Lehi, in the Book of Mormon, taught us that opposition is necessary for the Plan of Salvation to work: “For there must be opposition in all things; if not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad” (2 Nephi 2:2).

The question before us isn't “will we struggle?” it is “what will we do when we are confronted by challenges?” We should also ask, “How can our struggles help us become stronger in the Lord?” Elders Richard G. Scott and Jeffrey R. Holland both provided some excellent guidance in helping us find an answer to this question. Some of the key take-aways that I got were the following:

1.     Be certain that every decision you make, whether temporal or spiritual, is conditioned on what the Saviour would have you do.

2.     Remember: little things lead to big things... simple, consistent, good habits lead to blessings.

3.     Assert your strength before acknowledging your limitations.

4.     Be kind. Recognise the good in others, not the stains.

Years ago, when I was in high school. Charles Sheldon's book In His Steps gained huge popularity among the Christian community in the United States and probably elsewhere. Many of my friends starting wearing cloth wristbands that had the letters WWJD embroidered on them, inspired by this book. In the story, a few of the members of a small community church decide to make a pledge that, for one year, they will guide their daily actions by first asking “What would Jesus do?” President Howard W. Hunter, 14^th president of the church, added to this question that we should have the courage to act on it. To know what the Saviour would do is not enough; we have to actually do it. How can knowing what the Saviour would have us do help us overcome challenges? I believe that acting in such a way that Christ is the center of your life and the center of your home allows you to have the perspective needed to remember that challenges are a part of life and a part of growing.

In the Book of Alma in the Book of Mormon, we read that “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass, and small means in many instances doth confound the wise” (Alma 37:7). When faced with challenges, take a moment to examine things from a different perspective. Then make a plan. What is the first thing you need to do? What do you need to do next? Don't let yourself worry about all of the steps, though. Start simple. Instead of trying to do everything at once, pick a few things that you want to do well, such as praying together each evening and having Family Home Evening regularly. Once you have established these as routines in your life, add on to what you are doing. Elsewhere in the Book of Mormon, King Benjamin offers this advice: “See that all these things are done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite for a man to run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that he may win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order” (Mosiah 4:27).

When Joseph Smith was translating the Book of Mormon, the Lord gave him this counsel: “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means... but be diligent unto the end. Pray always, that you may come off conqueror; yea, that ye may conquer Satan” (D&C 10:4-5). Satan would have us believe that because we struggle to do everything we have set out to do, that we have failed. I want to say this again: struggling is not wrong; it is not failure; it is not sinful, shameful, or contrary to God's will. If anything, devoted followers of Christ should expect to struggle more than anyone! It was Christ Himself who said that our task was to give up all we have, take up our crosses, and follow Him. As the Lord said to Joseph Smith during his imprisonment in Liberty, Missouri: “If thou art called to pass through tribulation; if thou art in perils among false brethren; if thou art in perils among robbers; if thou are in perils by land or by sea; if thou art accused with all manner of false accusations... and if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon these, if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee, if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.”

And then the clincher: “The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than He?” And finally this loving comfort: “Therefore, hold on thy way... thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever” (D&C 122:5-9). Brothers and sisters, remember this when you are struggling. Remember this when you have loved ones going down dark paths. Remember this when you are tempted to follow. Remember this when you feel that things are as dark and dreary as they can possibly be. Remember that, even though we don't see them, God has His angels round about us to hold us up, to strengthen us, and to guide us through our trials.

The third piece of advice is to assert your strength first and then acknowledge your limitations. Elder Holland illustrated this by telling the story of the man who brought his afflicted child to the Saviour for help. I absolutely love the way this scene is depicted in the film Finding Faith in Christ. The man comes to Jesus with his son in his arms and pleads with him, saying, “Lord, if thou canst do anything, have compassion on us, and help us.” The Saviour responds, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.” The father immediately says, “Oh, Lord, I believe!” Then there is a pause as the Saviour of the world regards this man thoughtfully before the father says, “Help thou mine unbelief.” Christ then shares a beautiful sermon on faith: If you have but the faith of a mustard seed, you can do all things. Your faith is stronger than you think! You will often learn this when in the midst of trials.

There is a term in psychology used to describe what happens when we encounter new information that seems to contradict previously held notions. It is “cognitive dissonance.” Cognitive dissonance happens to all of us, because we all live and interact with people different from ourselves. As I said earlier, it isn't a matter of if we will experience this; it is a matter of how will we respond. Elder Holland gives this fantastic advice: “When these moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes” (emphasis original). Remember that ours is a faith that professes belief in continuing revelation. Remember also that the Lord has seen fit to allow His children, imperfect though they may be, to be His messengers to us to share that revelation. Our prophets, apostles, area authorities, stake presidents, and bishops are all mortals. All of them are capable of making mistakes, and all of them probably do make mistakes on a daily basis. But that doesn't mean we should abandon what we know to be true or disregard their counsel. As the song says, “Hold on, the light will come.” And if you don't think your faith is strong enough to see you through, lean upon the faith of those around you. We have all experienced doubt, worry, and concern from time to time, or even all the time. I have adopted as a personal mantra this statement shared by a friend of mine in Utah: I am a doubter nature, but a believer by choice. Choose to believe, hold fast to what you already know, and trust in the Lord that all things will work according to His grand designs.

Finally, and perhaps most important, be kind. Be kind to others, be kind to your family, be kind to your leaders, and be kind to yourself. Life is messy. We make mistakes. I am reading a book to my students called Wonder. It is the story of how a young man, August Pullman, who was born with a severe facial deformity, goes to school for the first time when he is ten years old. The story focuses on how August deals with the challenges of being in school, of making friends, and of having people treat him differently because of his condition. August's English teacher, Mr. Browne, shares this maxim with his class: “When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.” Let me say that again: “When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.”

Not everything has to be said just because it happens to be true. There really are some things that are better left unsaid. Several years ago, Elder Holland, speaking in a BYU devotional, shared this: “I can't tell you the number of couples I have counseled who, when they are deeply hurt or even just deeply stressed, reach farther and farther into the past to find yet a bigger brick to throw through the window 'pain' of their marriage. When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died trying to heal.

“Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don't keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, 'Hey! Do you remember this?' Splat!

“Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, 'Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?' Splat.

And soon enough, everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what God, our Father in Heaven, pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.” (BYU Devotional, 13 January 2009).

I see this happen every day when I am working with my fourth graders. It usually starts during recess or lunch. One student says something unkind to another. That student responds with something equally unkind. They start flinging insults and sometimes events escalate. Other times, though, the students manage to get over it... for the time being. A few days later, one of the students, who has invariably spent all of his or her time stewing over what was said, suddenly erupts in anger in the middle of a math lesson. When I investigate what happened, I learn about the things that had happened a few days earlier. My counsel to my students is a variation on Elder Holland's counsel: Let it go and leave it be! Get over it and move on. And the next time someone says something unkind, ignore that person rather then engage.

Brothers and sisters, let me close with my prayer that we may all remember this counsel. May we all remember to act as the Saviour would have us do, to develop simple, consistent, good habits in our homes, to focus on our strengths instead of our weaknesses and, above all, choose kind. It is my testimony that as we do so, we will be better equipped to confront the challenges of mortality, to strengthen our families, and to withstand the fiery darts of the Adversary. God lives. Jesus is the Christ. "We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins" (2 Nephi 25:26). I would add to this, that we write so that our children may know to what source they may look for strength and support in time of trial. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.