The Ten Types of Friends Helping with Your Move

Over the past fifteen years or so, I have had the opportunity to help a lot of people move. Most of these moves have taken place while I've been living in the Champaign-Urbana-Savoy area (what I like to call Chambanavoy). There are a lot of college students around these parts and they make up a very large portion of my church community. For some reason, Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons) are notorious for asking each other to help load and unload moving trucks/vans. During the hundreds of moves I have helped with, I have discovered that there are ten types of friends helping with the move that you are inevitably going to see. I decided to write a blog post about them. (And probably becasue I spend more time reading articles on Cracked.com and BuzzFeed, I decided to use their writing style.) My experience has been that most of these friends are guys, and so I am using the male pronoun here. Please note, however, that women are just as capable of doing these things as men.




And so, in no particular order...

1. The Supervisor

This is the guy (and it is almost always a guy) who is moving out. His job is simple: make sure everybody knows what they are supposed to be doing. He directs the others to specific rooms, reminds them that the boxes labeled "fragile" really do need to be handled with care, and he assigns a friend to help out in the truck. Speaking of which...

2. The Tetris Master

This is the guy who spends the whole time inside the moving truck. He knows how to fit the boxes together to maximize space. He can see a box arriving from the front door and knows exactly where to put it so that it fits in perfectly with the other boxes. He is also the guy who appreciates the help of an apprentice but really wishes the others would just drop boxes and the front of the truck and then go away. Unless they are bringing him water. Or pizza. Which brings me to...

3. The Foodie


We all have that friend. He says he is going to help with the move and he does. Kind of. Sort of. He carries a box or two and helps move the couch. But most of the time? He's just there for the free food. He spends more time around the pizza or donut box than he does around the moving boxes. He also has sage advice to dispense to everyone who will listen and shares stories about moves years past that he helped with. Except that "helped" still means "carrying a box or two before finding the free food." Unlike...

4. The Veteran


This guy has been helping move people out of their homes since the Israelites fled Egypt. He's got the work gloves, the back brace, and the industrial dolly to prove it. He will help move the heaviest things just to prove he's still got it, but he is satisfied to spend most of his time dismantling furniture, taking down curtain rods, and good-naturedly complaining about the boxes of books that he is carrying down three flights of stairs. He also keeps everyone's spirits up as the sun moves higher in the sky and the temperatures reach levels that make Death Valley look like a paradise. Unlike...

5. The Complainer


Yes, he will help you load the truck. Yes, he will arrive at 8 am and stay until you finish. Yes, he will move the piano, the washer, the mattress, and the boxes of books. Yes, he will suffer the heat, the cold, or the rain. Yes, he will miss out on sleeping in on his day off. Yes, he will miss that football game. And yes, he will make sure everybody knows it. This is the guy that you are glad to have there helping, but you really wish he would just stay home instead of complaining. Then again, maybe it is good that he showed up, unlike...

6. The No-Show


Your friend said he would be there to help. Your family's home teacher promised to put it in his calendar. That guy that you've never actually talked to before last Sunday came up to you to confirm the details of your move. And then he didn't show. You were really counting on him, too, because you helped him with his move and you even made sure you had a bottle of Dr. Pepper just for him! You'll get a note from him the next day on Facebook with apologies for not making it. He had the stomach flu. His kid had the stomach flu. His car broke down. He had a family emergency. There is some excuse and you don't want him to feel bad, even though you were counting on him to be there. Alas, he was a no-show. Fortunately, your best friend was there to be...

7. The Juggernaut


This is usually your best friend. He's been there through thick and thin and he's not about to let you leave without one last show of true friendship. He's the first to show up, sometimes arriving early, and the last to leave. He makes sure every last corner of your house is empty and everything is exactly as it is supposed to be so you can get your security deposit back. He will take a break when you order him to, but other than that, he's right there grabbing boxes, moving that awful piano, unhooking the washer (and getting sprayed by the residual water in the process), and is making sure your wife's heirloom mirror and priceless paintings are well-padded and secured. He will even let you take his bungee cords with you. Which is good because you have to watch out for...

8. The Scavenger


You know you are going to have to leave something behind. No matter how well you planned, there's going to be something that needs to just go in the dumpster or get donated to Goodwill. And that's exactly what the Scavenger is hoping for! He's there to snatch up that extra floor lamp, take that bucket of cleaning materials, and load your frozen veggies into the cooler he conveniently has in the trunk of his car. He's there to perform the unsavory task of claiming your belongings to make sure they "find a good home." Sometimes he simply takes advantage of the situation. Other times, he comes with a list. As grateful as you are for his help, you wish he'd left the list at home and brought...

9. The Kids


There's that guy you know who has some teenagers and their friends who are always hanging around his house, eating his food, watching his TV, and generally making themselves a part of the family. Well, what better way to instill some good old fashioned values than by bringing them along to help with the move? Besides, it will give his wife an opportunity to hang out with your wife one last time. Fortunately, these are good kids. They carry the smaller boxes and bring water to the guys in the truck. Or they team up and prove that they can carry that awful piano on their own. (But thank goodness their dad is right there to supervise!) And because they usually arrive later than the others, they are there to gives the others a rest break. The Kids often eagerly look forward to working with...

10. The Missionaries


As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I am fortunate to live in an area where we have full-time missionaries assigned to our congregation. These young men (usually between the ages of 18 and 25) are paired up and work together to teach others about our church but also to provide service in the community. And because moves give a pleasant break from routine, they will always show up, even if they have a teaching appointment right before or right after. (You just wish they wouldn't show up in their nice clothes, since that means they aren't going to be doing the dirty work for you.)

So, who are you when your friends ask you to help you move? Did I forget someone that ought to be added to this list?

Comments

Beth Blair said…
There are always the cleaners. They are usually the wife's friends or Relief Society members that came to make sure the house is still standing and move out inspection ready.

Popular posts from this blog

That We May Be Made Perfect In One

Crafty Craftiness

And This Is Life Eternal